See if you’ve heard this one before: after high school, young adult doesn’t know where he/she fits in this grand puzzle called life and spends a few years trying to find him/herself. What a time we live in today where mental health is a topic that is starting to become talked about now and big organizations like the NBA have taken initiative and formed wellness programs. It’s okay to not be okay, but eventually it does get better. 

The years 2008-2010 were very dim years for me. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly where I turned things around but my 21st birthday (January 24, 2010) sticks out to me. Coincidentally, Kid Cudi’s “Pursuit of Happiness” came out the very next day. I’m the type of person to attach songs with emotions or moments in my life and that “Man on the Moon” album was on repeat during Spring 2010 as I attended community college to get my life back on track. Fast forward to today and I can tell you that true happiness is real (it’s like the golden snitch but it’s real).  

As part of my life turnaround, I became very goal-oriented. I would set a goal (i.e. get a bachelors degree), achieve it, be content for a minute, then update my goal (i.e. get a DPT). I would compare it to weightlifting and hitting a new PR. Once I deadlift 500#, you know what happens next? I start working towards 550#. It’s taken me a long time to discover that achievements do not translate to happiness. This past year of engulfing all the self-improvement content I can, I have come across 3 constructs on the path to true happiness that I wanted to share with you 

“I went into physical therapy because it primed us to be in a position to form deeper relationship.”

•  Gratuity, forming deeper relationships, giving back

  • Gratuity – every morning name three things that you are grateful for. It may be easy the first few weeks, but after a while you start to run out of things to say. Believe it or not, searching for things you are grateful for will actually CHANGE your daily mindset. Don’t believe me? Remember the last time you wanted a certain car or the newest iPhone then suddenly seeing those things EVERYWHERE? The same thing happens when you look for things you are grateful for. You’ll start noticing things you took for granted before and will have a more positive outlook in daily life.
  • Forming deeper relationships – there’s a time and place for small talk, but all the talk about weather, sports, or weekend plans do not lead to happiness. This applies to friends, neighbors, and family members. One of the main reasons I went into physical therapy because it primed us to be in a position to form deeper relationships. We spend ~1 hour with a patient for 2-20+ visits! With that amount of time, I take a genuine interest in all of my patients, and I think indirectly it has made me a happier person 
  • Giving Back – this does not mean donating to charity. You should still do that, but money is replaced. Giving back means giving back things that are finite such as your time or service in one way or another. As we get older, we get busier. Giving a piece of yourself and being selfless is another way to achieve true happiness.  

• Pleasure, Passion, Higher Purpose 

  • Pleasure (short term) – this type of happiness is about chasing the next stimulation or the next “high”. Celebrities and rock stars famously live like this but as we know, some of the richest people are also the unhappiest. As soon as the stimulus (i.e. drugs, money, fame) goes away, the level of happiness goes with it.
  • Passion (moderate term) – you are in the “zone” and time goes by fast. You are doing something that you love and you are driven by it. Most of us stay in this range, and sometimes it is enough
  • Higher purpose (long term) – you believe that what you are doing is bigger than yourself and this translates to more meaning in life. For some people it is religion, or saving for retirement; for me it is fatherhood and providing for my family.  

• Perceived control, perceived progress, connectedness, meaning  

  • Perceived control – having more control in your life. It’s human nature to dislike being told what to do. An example with patients is letting them choose their warm-up machine. For you it could be working in home health because it let’s you choose your own schedule.  
  • Perceived progress– people like the sense of progress. We dislike being stuck in a hole with what seems like no end in sight. Why else do we do progress reports and re-evaluations? Why do we weigh ourselves when we’re dieting, or check our bank accounts when we’re saving? We want to know that we are moving forward because we don’t always know where that finish line is 
  • Connectedness – see forming relationships. To add to that, what about improving your workplace culture? You often see these people more than your family, so it would be naïve of you to think that they have no contribution to your well-being.  
  • Meaning – see higher purpose. To add to that, don’t just work for a paycheck. You are improving lives, and eventually after treating many individuals, you’ve formed yourself a community!

I leave you with a quote by the late Michelle McNamara, “It’s Chaos, be kind”. Life has a way of giving you what’s yours. There’s really no point in spreading negativity. If you’re having the worst day, challenge yourself to be nicer and more polite and watch your mood shift as you see that barista smile because you said “Thank you”.   

I mostly gave examples through the lens of a healthcare professional, but these principles are generalizable to everybody. Much of this info I gathered from “Delivering Happiness” by Tony Hsieh and Episode 12 of the Chasing Excellence with Ben Bergeron podcast. I would highly recommend you check those out because they are pretty easy reads/listens. There’s a whole science behind the psychology of happiness and it is pretty interesting. These are just a few that I found relatable and as you can see there is some overlap between them. The different theories are not exclusive as I’m sure you can mix and match, or create your own to see what works best for you. I currently don’t know you, but we have at least two things in common: 1) our main goal in life is to be happy and 2) we both miss the old Kid Cudi (ha!). At the very least I hope I have started you on your very own journey to self-improvement. 

“It’s Chaos, be kind”.